My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
