I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
