Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
