I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i think my cat just said my name.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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