i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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