no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
