At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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