a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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