No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
