The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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