I faked an abortion last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
