Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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