I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
