paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
