no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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