Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
