I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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