ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize