im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
