Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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