I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
