His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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