I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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