Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
