I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
