Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
