Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
