trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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