Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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