i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
