Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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