I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
