Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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