If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
