im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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