If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
