If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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