wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
