He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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