I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
