I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
