im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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