babies were throwing up all over the place
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
