the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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