false alarm. still invincible.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
