Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
