I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can you bring me the toilet please
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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