So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
