we have officially lost it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
