Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
