I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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