I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
