Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
