out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
