I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
