I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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