There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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