i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
