tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We left the knife in your bed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
