i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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