you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
