Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
