i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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