girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.