i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
