worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?