I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"