I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
