And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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