Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
