Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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