So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
