I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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