did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
