Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
