Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am naked and annoyed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
