I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
