I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
