Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
