I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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